Then I looked at the bikinis. Why, you ask? Because at one point in my life before children, before infertility drugs, and before the birth control pill I could have worn every single one of them and looked HOT. And I was bored. SO I found some super cute ones that I would have bought back in the day for my former stick figure self.
Like this one
And this one
But then they got scary.
And then I just couldn't comprehend them anymore.
That last one is a topless bikini. Why? Why would you do that to yourself? It's not flattering, even to the stick figure model. And yet you know that some girl with giant boobs is going to buy that, wear it on spring break, and be in video. Honestly, if you want to show off the ladies just take your shirt off. There is no need to buy a topless bikini for $68.
Am I old? Does this make me not cool?
No. I don't think you are old. As my friend Tina says, "Just because they MAKE it in your size does not mean you should WEAR it."
ReplyDeleteI do not wear, or purchase, anything from the VS simply because my ex-stepper is a VIctoria's Secret Troll. She has years of swimsuits, clothes, and oodles of undergarments from them, and during her marriage to my father I wrapped them all as gifts. And how did she look? Refer to what I wrote to start this.
Atheleta.com is my favorite place to window shop for swim suits. I can not afford them right now. My new suit this year, unfortunately, is for laps. But it is cute! And my tankini, should I get back into it, is from Lands End and is super cute and barely used.
I bought a tankini from Athleta last year and had to return it, too short. I could spend so much money there, not even funny.
ReplyDeleteyou're hilarious. I think the last time I wore a bikini was on my honeymoon. sad.
ReplyDeleteA topless bikini?? Shouldn't that be called a unikini? My body was never bikini-worthy and most likely never will be. Plus, people who are as white as I am should not bare that much skin---it would frighten the children.
ReplyDelete